Lost...

When will be the day I'll have the confidence enough to do all the things I'm able to....?
When will be the day I can have enough money to bring my love one for some holidays....?
When will be the day I can earn more money to carry on with my plans of settling down....?
When will be the day I can really go for a chill without having worries and troubled minds....?
When will be the day I can really utilize my skills and knowledge to those idiots that things can be done in lots of better ways...?

I hope I know... But I don't know when.... I can only just keeping walking forward.... Just simply lost in some ways....

Deepest fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darknes, that frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine as children do.
It's not just in some of us, it is in everyone.
And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

念伤之感

嗜血的老虎 ..它.. 是否让你心慌
悲伤从嘻嘻哈哈又带来希望
害怕着一层接一层的发怒海浪
战争的苦难.. 谁能忘
是历史上的遗憾
那最珍惜的伙伴.. 却随着曲终人散
人类的感情.. 只会被那利益冲淡
为此而迷茫.. 他疯狂.. 他内心再喊
仇视的目光.. 他不管.. 他觉得很烦


谁人的歌唱.. 很抽象
能带领无知绵羊走入光的方向
谁人的烛光.. 很灿烂
能使到无限黑暗化为白色荧光
谁人的勇敢.. 如太阳
能协助无辜百姓仿佛进入天堂


英雄的模样.. 很慈祥.. 却牺牲死亡
所受的背叛.. 很孤单.. 他从此绝望


时间它过的很慢长.. 人们所留的血汗
也已变成 ..了.. 一种可笑的信仰。。。。。


-念伤之感-


这只是我有感而发的一篇文章，请留下意见哦！！

I have things to say too...

Whether or not, I'm not betraying anyone that's my way and it had already been chosen. All the things about the poetry is just a short story of what had happen. That's why the title is known as "Remained Concealed". Why "Concealed"? Because there is 0% possibility of an relationship going to happen. If you think that by making yourself gone will makes me better, You are truly wrong. You are only making me feeling worst and miserable.. And it wouldn't be fair to me. If you are that grateful to me, you should be cherishing me as your friend. I'm a straight person, I don't hide my feelings maybe thats the disadvantage cuz you get me all wrong... very wrong. On relationship issues, I do things in a more mature way.

DevilCp/Edwin is a person who loves doing things for his love ones unconditionally. This is how he feels happy and contended.

There are times "They" ask why I treated you so nice, my reply back is I treat you like my own blood sister. Else what can I do more??

Haizz... I really becomes an idiot now... Thanks...

Just some thoughts

Just reach home not long, having a few thoughts while I were still in Pasir Ris.. A lots of "should I this or should I not" blah blah blah lol. Thinkings like should I go for upgrading my TKD Dan to 4th grade, should I ended Teddie's Cafe to look for better prospect, should I leave Singapore and take my friend's offering in overseas.... and lots more..... Really Stress like hell...

And to the adorable "one" who "might" think that Im over lapping your space... I'm not really sure if your edited post is refering to me or not.. as long as anyone who cares for you might also feel that you might be shooting them (arh I'm hit!!! Medic!!! Medic!!! LOL)... I can only understand that I send four message;

1st. ohayo blah blah blah...( late morning greeting as in Japanese.) 11:57 am


2nd. XXA is expanding! Lol. 4:49pm


3rd. Hmmm u busy for the whole day? If yes just let me know... 5:50 pm


4th. What happen oh? U totally don't reply at all. 7:18 pm


Equ formula = Greetings ---> Good News ---> Questions ---> Worried

worst... You remove my link....T.T wu wu wu... How can I not be SAD.. LOL

Your question in CBOX : "What can happen to me?" My Answer Here = NOTHING, BUT YOU NEVER KNOW BAD THINGS MIGHT HAPPEN.... (touch wood touch wood.... Baka Baka Baka!! >_!!!)

Its true that sometimes over concerning for one person may cause hasser to him or her, as I said it can be fine tune by just telling him or her or me (begin extra wa ha ha) with a proper manner. Sometimes I temp to over concerning for people too, LOL. Its only normal cuz we are merely just humans ha ha ha. Sometimes I do stupid things too, like this post, sound a bit stupid... wa ha ha.. But at least my actions show that I care, with that I'm able to withstand whatever it comes.

Now its my turn to said: "Don't take it to heart" LOL. I believe in you that you can take care of yourself well enough. So do take care and smoke less please!!!

last but not least, your reply on sms is needed still!!!

chilling out to sleep



Show all

Its just another day

When i look at the mirror, "OH GOD, I'm a Panda!! " Having a very bad headache too, cause haven't been sleeping at all. taken about two pills of super extra strength panadol to suppress the pain. Not to worry as im able to hang on till at bight Not having a good day last night, so hope that things turn out just fine for me today, I don't really ask for more.

I'm prepare to smile again, cuz thats the way I am. Rather keep all the solo sadness to oneself thats for sure.

Later in the day I'll try to upload some picture of my drink that will be feature in some magazine for valentine day. Its called Lovers Fusion. I have plenty of ideas for new drinks, but it will only release from time to time... Can't help it, cuz I only have two hands..

Time to prepare for work. Its another day indeed. Hope that today sales will be good. For those who reads my blog, do come down to support Teddie Cafe (express branch) @ Pasir Ris Town Park. Will do my best to make you a drink of a day.

Everyone deserve a good drink!

Remained Concealed

She tells herself everyday to stop begin sad
Because she thinks she'll end up hurt
But something in her just keeps pushing
Something keeps whispering "it could work"

He sees the pain that she goes through
He can hears it well in her voice
He loves her more than ever
But it is not his choice at all

She thinks about her ex-boyfriend
The one that she's recently over with no reason
She decide given up on that relationship
But still seeking the truth of ending

He knows about her ex-boyfriend
And did all to help dig out the truth
But he can't help the way he feels
Yet mainly for the sake of her

She appreciate what he done for her
More then anyone could really do
Her eyes with tears as he wipe away with his hand
Never a guy clear so much of her precious tears

He stay till morning to accompany her
Just to make sure she feels better
He cherish and enjoy the moments with her at all times
which he never forgets the warm comforts within

She then gets the truth that were unknown to her
precious tear of pearls start dripping off her face
She still thinks she's the main fault of all
But she never really done any wrong at all

He has a girlfriend long for red carpet
Which he don't wish to betray or hurt any
His feelings for both are truthful that can't be measure
Its fate twisted him to make options between two

She knows that this is a big risk
After all he is her friend
But what about what she feels inside
she knows it doesn't work out in the end

He knows that they're just friends
Which is why he kept his feelings in for so long
He wanted to tell her sooner
But because of her ex-boyfriend it always felt wrong

She knows how hard it was for him to tell
And she just can't commit to anyone yet
After all her mind is all about her ex-boyfriend
Plus she doesn't want to do anything she'll regret

He suppose to be happy to be able to ease her mind
Yet it turn out to be heartbroken night
His using his sleepless night and tears to complete this poetry
Just want her to knows how he feels

He loves being around her
And she can't shake how he makes her feel
They are two close friends
But their relationship must remained concealed

a poetry story composed by DevilCp

你不是真正的快樂

人群中哭着 你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了 你已经决定了
你静静忍着 紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
这世界笑了 于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则 不是你的选择
于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了 然后才后悔着
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了
你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了 还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着


If someone can really understand how I feels....
Speechless feelings!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little mess up

Well its a bright new day today, and its my off day. Planned to go K-box to chill out a bit but guess that it has to be cancel. Somehow somethings caught in the way... Not having much mood on doing others things. Maybe this is just another day wasted. Haven't been sleeping well too, lots of thoughts pop out just like comic dialogs in my head. There are times that I wish I could just run away from all, but can't.. Cause life couldn't been so selfish or I'm been tie down with too much responsibility, feeling heavier each breath day by day.

I see myself always been able to help others to solve their problems, but why can't I really do that for my own. Feeling a bit mess up, what have I been doing recently. Cant find a place where I really belong to.. Should I accept my friend's offer to go overseas.. I really don't know.... Still I don't bare to be apart with my love ones again.

Never less I still bring smiles on my face to everyone I know or meet everyday without fail. Indeed, whatever written here is just my own problems. You might never know a smile could eventually make others a good day.

I need more plaster.

It does hurt, but guess that its really worth it... Don't ask why, I really don't know. I not even thinking when I'm doing it.

My Choice

My choice of beer today, Heineken (drinking with Stanly).

Everything is by choice not chance
always be happy, sing and dance
no matter what is the situation?
smile alike having a celebration.

Sometimes problems do come
but choose to smile some
it helps a lot to get a solution
as I find is the best option.

That is the way journey should be
if not trouble-free it won’t be
make it easy and interesting
enjoy all you have everything.

Just relax, chill at each occasion
get the bottom of every problem
do the best you can all time
rest is always with the faith of Goddess.

Twisted away

Ahead the new year, I'm trying to make up my mind on certain things... Sometime, no matter how well you planned or follow up on things, it still get twisted away.... Why why why? I really don't know.

People around me always thought that I'm cheerful, Cause I like to bring smile whenever I go. But my another side, not much people really know...

ah... blah blah blah..... sigh..

Self reinvention...

I've been planning to "reinvent" my self, however me being who I am, I always have to analyze a decision before I make it. I've had these "reinvention" spurts before, but none has seemed this drastic or so personal.

It's as if I've reached a point in my life where I just need to be myself completely, without holding back, without regret, without fear and you know the rest. Something that runs through my mind is, am I being selfish? The change I am planning entails the dismissal and cutting off of a lot of negativity in my life.

I used to put up with the negativity because I always saw the positive within that negative, however I've reached a point where I've chosen to not be a caretaker any longer. I'm planning for a new style, a new outlook, a new attitude but the same heart. However,thinking about it, is there anything really new that comes out of oneself, or is it just something that has been held back or dormant? Well, only time will tell what I come up with.

Unclear ramblings.

I feel that my brain's overloaded with questions and thoughts these past week. My subconscious is working hard even in my dreams. I feel that there are so so so so so many things that I don't know still. And the things that I think I know may also be so limited and it makes it hard for me to proceed forward .

In a quest to be a better person, these obstacles along the way jar my stance and now I need to rethink about all the previous plan made. Some make sense, some doesn't make sense...I hunger for the truth path, hunger for guidance to tell me what I'm supposed to do.

In this life where truth is bent and reality can have a zillion faces, I feel lost in some ways. These don't count the inner battles that one has to face in order to tackle one's own weaknesses and negative sides. Thus I'm raising the white flag of peace in order to have time to clear everything out, because I can't see clearly amidst this battle and questions and thoughts.

This may be one of my "unclear" ramblings. It's hard for me to explain the details when I myself don't know them clearly. Maybe someday when I get enlightenment, I'll be able to digest all.

I smile along the way.

A smile is for every occasion
it’s a beginning of every celebration.

There’s power in every smile
it makes you happy for a while.
Takes you to another world
where you feel happy and whole.

A hearty smile is a happy smile
as it makes you merry and fine.
So create a smile brighter
it’s contagious and healthier.

Make your smile more beautiful
and dwell in happiness to be cool.

Decision...

decision making can have the great impact on your life

decision is like playing with chances

you get it or you don't

simple as that

however no matter which one you ended up with, you gotta be prepared for it

disappointment or amazement?

Always I laugh.

Always I laugh, I chill
smile and do what I will.

I don’t see and think
what the world sense
as I do what I wish for
and never have I griped.

I am not a grumble person
I love what I have little some
and feel happy for everything
since I desire to be a noble being.

Blog Life Goes On.

Its been almost few days that I did not post up any blog.. getting really moody recently, lost of wallet plus sickness. Now getting much better now I guess, cause still on recovery. Just treating it as I'm unlucky.

Well, my blog shop "Hana Murasaki Mise" already start putting things up for sale. Will be adding more range this coming one or two weeks. So do feel free to take a look.

Falling Sick!!!

After the trip back from KL.... I'm falling sick!!! argh..... hate it.

Love's on the platter.

The never ending struggle to find love: In a society filled with judgment and hypocrisy , it is no surprise that people have a hard time finding real love. I have a few questions; have you ever been in love? Are you still with the person you love? If no, what happened?

Nowadays there are so many outlets to "find" the path to love. However, it seems we are moving away from face to face interaction. With the unfortunate availability of such online sites as myspace, facebook, friendster etc, it seems people have become dependent on them to approach others in romantic courtship. Don't get me wrong, it is much easier to interact individuals through the internet. But, does that not harm your social character. To me, it seems the more we rely on the internet to interact with people, the harder it is to interact in person. Online interaction is just not the same as real world face to face conversation. Can it possibly be that society has made us less confident that we subject ourselves to living a life through photo shopped images, and over stylized websites. When will we be comfortable enough to actually go up to that guy or girl and let them know you're interested in them and not have to worry about them judging you?.

I know I may seem like I'm talking about a thousand things at once, however these are just things that race through my mind. For instance, when you meet someone online, they tell you that they're really into you. But then when it comes time to meet in person, things just aren't the same anymore. I say this with a smile on myself, but don't we kind of set our self up for disappoint in a sense? As of late, I've noticed and learned that love, it does exists, but is harder to find online. However, it's not so easy to find love in the real world, given that people are so judgmental.